Sexist Pig

Our sign language tutor told us a joke the other day. Woman driver (don't start - she's a woman who drives, okay?), driving in the country, down tiny, winding road. Man in 4x4 coming other way and then comes to a halt.

'Pig!' she shouts.

'Bitch!' He replies, before backing up - and promptly crashes into a pig.

It's funnier in BSL. Although, as with 'My dog has no nose' in German, it doesn't really translate, as the sign for 'pig' as in animal is one thing, whereas the insult is altogether more emphatic.

Aaaanyway, a friend just alerted me to a form of sexism I hadn't considered. The recent royal scandal about an unnamed Royal being blackmailed for having gay sex and drugs at a party had everyone leaping to their most likely suspect. But when Buck Palace confirmed that it was a minor Royal, everyone abandoned their 'From Nazi to Nancy' headlines and started thinking of lesser Royals. I had mental images of some Royal or other thinking 'Me? Minor Royal? The bounders!', but not once did I think that it might have been a lady.

The fact is, lesbianism has never been illegal in this country (aside from when it involved under-16s), so it's consequently maintained a sophisticated air for most men. Whereas by being driven underground by Old Queen Vic, gay sex has always had a level of horror for straight men for whom homophobia is more to do with being afraid of being labelled as gay themselves than of being afraid of poovery per se. But it's true that I didn't hear a single rumour suggesting it could be a female royal - a minor princess or daughter of a viscount.

Now, is that because the media has trained us to assume all gay sex scandals involve public toilets, or do we simply not think of women as likely subjects for blackmail? Would a bisexual woman feel the need to hide the fact as much as a bisexual man?

I dunno. But something tells me that having sex with a Royal would be as close to bestiality with a horse as one could ever get...

We Are Family...

Social Networking, they call it - those websites that seem to pop up every six months that allow you to make new friends and link up to old ones. I've joined a lot of these over the years, sometimes to get in touch with a specific person, sometimes to explore what everyone else is on about.

I never really got MySpace. It's clunky, many of the profiles are horrifically untidy and ugly to look at (and I don't mean the people, just the junk they litter their pages with), but mainly because it's full of dickheads who treat friendship like Pokemon: GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! I've made contact with a few long-lost friends, but I've rejected new 'friendships' with far too many stupid 15-year-old girls who are clearly leaving themselves open to be abused by strangers, but who also clearly have little interest in actually being friends with anyone as they send out invitations for friendship even when my own profile specifically states I'm not looking to befriend strangers.

But I suppose it's a handy tool if you're a musician and have a teensy bit of design skill.

I spent about four months exploring Second Life too, but it's tricky getting into the heart of it unless you have money and 3D sculpting skills. I've had some great nights on there, virtually dancing in a virtual nightclub, but the fact that locations are rented and need to be paid for means you can go to a club in a location one night and then turn up at an empty field the next.

YouTube's a lot of fun. I've linked to things on there here before and I enjoy a good night browsing. No problems with that, although I'm unlikely to ever become a Vlogger (a clumsy port manteau word really). My favourite YouTuber is a fella who goes by the name of 'Blunty 3000'. He get angry with things, has obsessions equal but different to my own, but on the whole he seems to be a voice of reason and common sense on the web, which needs to be applauded. If only the dumb American teens would get off his back.

The current 'UGC site du jour is of course Facebook. It's good for allowing users to add or subtract applications and you can join up with groups that are relevant to you.

And occasionally, you get a message from someone who blows your mind, like I did two weeks ago when my cousin, who I haven't seen in nearly 20 years, dropped me a line.

Almost straight away we were gabbing away like mad, shared a few family stories and memories and agreed to meet up.

Unfortunately, the night we were meeting up happened to come the night after my dramatic tooth incident, so I was a bit slurry thanks to the numb jaw when we first met, and (thankfully) a bit slurry at the end of the night because we'd enjoyed copious lagers.

It's great having family nearby now, and I'm proud to say my cousin is very, very cool.

Oh, and she's on MySpace too, in the form of her project Bad Anorak 404. Who'd've thunk?! There's a review on the Bad Anorak 404 website that includes a review with an amazing back-handed compliment:

Lin Sangster is like a strange aunt you hate to visit as a child (the awkward opening track does nothing to assuage your fears), but when you are older you realise that she’s the well-adjusted one and she quickly becomes your favourite relative.

Spot on.