Bears, Sausages and Divas

'Do you like Madonna,' shouts the self-proclaimed Diva, and considering the clientele, the response was surprisingly apathetic at best. It's the launch night of an event for gentlemen of a certain persuasion, certain weight and certain type of facial hair that goes by the name of 'Ursus', and the cabaret act is... okay, although I find myself conjuring up Simon Cowell to be really off-hand with her.

I'm there for most of the night with my dear friend David, who's a sweet, sensitive soul who doesn't drink, so I'm on Shandy so as not to annoy him (not that he'd ever judge me, but I'd hate to give him cause to). In truth, the first part of the night is like a cut-price Duckie without the surprises but the second DJ manages to play a few electro-tunes that sparked the room up, including 'Over and Over' by Hot Chip. And the compere is a little too in your face and desperate. It's launch night, he's allowed to be, but I have to say his plate of sausages nearly turned my stomach.

It's strange being in a room full of people you mainly know from the internet. It's a bit like Terminator 2, where your inner T-1000 is scanning the room and applying data that you've skimmed from their online profiles: '6' 2", blue eyes, active, likes to be spanked... 5' 10" (liar!!), bottom, likes role-play... 5' 11", real name Steve, total homer sexual....'

Then there's the moment you realise you're the only person in the room who seems to be glad they're playing 'Wordy Rappinghood' (12" Version) by the Tom Tom Club - or maybe it just feels like that.

So then it's home and I manage to sprint across Brixton to catch my bus and be back in time to spend an hour listening to 'Uptown Top Ranking' and 'The Happy Man' by Thomas Lang, which helps to take the edge off the week. Tomorrow, it's a deliberate day of leisure, then on Sunday I'm being interviewed for a documentary to appear on a forthcoming Doctor Who DVD, in my 'TV and film historian' guise. I've got a lot of my comments rehearsed, but I know most of what I will say is going to be used as airfill. I just have to make sure I'm not used to just tell the story, but instead have something political or socially engaging to say, rather than 'I like dis wun' or 'Dat wus crappe'.

We shall see. I'll probably end up doing the Whovian equivalent of 'hats, gloves and shoes'...