Mystic Pizza

I'm in sunny Pollokshields with my beloved and, after a stress-free journey there yesterday afternoon, I decided we should have pizza for tea, because we'd both been very good and deserved a treat. A new pizzaria called Pizzahub (see what they did there) has a sign on the front saying 'Opening Soon', but not soon enough for us, sadly. So, we went to a multi-cultural venue round the corner, which offers kebabs and pizzas along with its curry selection.

So, I asked what toppings they offered and the man behind the counter said they had a, um, chicken tikka pizza and, er, a minced lamb pizza, and, um, that's it.

'Don't you do anything like a Hawaiian? Y'know, ham and pineapple?'

The man shook his head and looked at me blankly.

Chowing down on the chicken tikka pizza back at the flat 15 minutes later, I asked my other half why they don't do any normal pizzas.

'Well, y'know - ham's not hallal.'

No wonder the man looked at me blankly. Epic cultural fail!

Something About Haggis

You know you're 'pished' when you bump into a man wearing a kilt asking for directions late at night, notice he's bleeding profusely from the lower leg, learn that he's just been stabbed in the leg with a screwdriver by the husband of the woman he's just been shagging ... and you don't freak out.

Yes, I'm back from my long weekend in Glasgow, where I had a splendid time with 'the boys', who showed me round the pubs and nice eateries, forced me to drink way too much and left me with a bad case of furball gagging thanks to the cats who also share my pals' flat.

I'm not a cat fan by any means and while this weekend hasn't changed that, I can say I quite like those cats. Although it was only after one sleepless night that I discovered how to make Merri shut up, by tickling her tum. Otherwise, she wailed around the flat like a one-cat emergency service.

I think we bonded though. She snuggled into bed with me this morning, silently, and let me scratch behind her ears while I simultaneously read a Calvin & Hobbes compendium. I hear she's in mourning for me. Strangely, I kind of miss the noisy fur-dropper myself. Too cute.

And, like in Calvin & Hobbes, the days were just packed. I'm going back to work tomorrow for a rest.

... and in Related News

We've all experienced this, I'm sure - reading the news headlines and suddenly misreading them as related links, as if each unrelated story is connected sequentially.

Here's an example of 'other top stories' from today's BBC News Online:

- Langham wins early jail release
- Winehouse kicks off UK tour
- Potter hopefuls lose out on role

Did a man convicted of downloading indecent images of children on the internet provoke a notorious hellraiser to start a tour, and somehow one of these events managed to exclude children auditioning for a part in a Harry Potter film?

How about this collection from the BBC News Scotland page?"

- Man, 86, dies after police crash
- Van man jailed for bike road rage
- Man remanded on murder charge
- Bike sex man placed on probation

You could easily read those as sequential headlines on the same story, which makes me feel sorry for the poor man who died, apparently as a consequence of a road rage incident involving sex on a bike. Poor fella.

Funnily enough, I'm off to Scotland this weekend - apparently my trip coincides with an important football match against Italy... a quiet weekend is unlikely.

My sign language tutor was describing yesterday how, in Glasgow, football is like a holy war, with Rangers and Celtic locked in eternal conflict because of the religious affiliations of each team. In Glasgow, he said, if you win, 50% hate you; if you lose, 100% hate you. He then told us a story about footballer Paul Ince, who, on turning up with a white bandage on his head, was described by Paul 'Gazza' Gasgoigne as looking like a pint of Guinness.

I'm pleased that I could follow all of that. My retention of vocabulary's still not strong because I just don't practice enough, but I'm getting good at following his monologues now. And yesterday, one of the new signs I learned will come in handy, I'm sure - index fingers point to the eyes, then come away as both hands spread out away from the face: 'MARVELLOUS!'